Tiny Humans

*From a chapter about the having fun with students*

Tiny humans populate my school. Tiny humans of various levels of tininess. And it is the smallest of the small ones, to steal a phrase from Skippy Jon Jones, who are the most fun to mess with.

You wouldn’t think so. You would think kindergarteners would be the children you must be nicest to. That a person would have to treat them with kid gloves, as it were. *Side Note- What are kid gloves? Gloves you use when handling children? That seems rude. Are they gloves made out of kids? Obviously not human kids, don’t be ridiculous. Baby goats are called kids. I bet goat kid gloves would be quite soft. And with those goat kid gloves a person could work with a human kid without damaging them in any way. I’m glad we got this figured out. Anyway-*Kindergarteners are the youngest members of your school community, unless you’re lucky enough to also have pre-k, but they really are too small to mess with. Common knowledge states that adults must be always kind to small children. This ignored two simple facts- small children are human and small children are often much brighter than adults give them credit for.

In my class I refer to most kindergarteners as munchkins. When I need a go-to example of poor behavior I often talk about picking on, torturing, teasing, or otherwise bothering munchkins. The key to this not being bullying is to make it so ridiculous, so out of your mind nuts, that the children know you are playing around. Think about the Trunchbull and how she gets away with things. I steal from her all the time. I tell my students about the time I dangled a munchkin by his ears until they stretched three feet. I make mention of tossing one by her pigtails for distance. I am not a horrible teacher. I’ve read my class Matilda, it’s the very first book I read them. This fits in with the character I play in my classroom. Mr. Robertson, who says he doesn’t like children, especially (insert grade I’m currently teaching). In fact the only thing worse than (grade I’m currently teaching) is kindergarteners. I will occasionally substitute sixth graders for that, but sixth graders aren’t as good at taking a joke. Kindergarteners are very bright.